Psychosis

The Return...

2006-11-03T16:49:00.000+08:00

I've been gone for two months and I've seen a lot of happenings.

A lot of things have changed since September. Opinions, thoughts, even your own physical being, everything evolves with time (with a few exceptions).

I'm about to graduate (this March to be precise), so its normal for me to feel a bit nostalgic. Memories of the friends I've made in High School, the friends in the Cosplaying community who've helped and supported each other, and of course, the people I met in college. True I've got another 5 months of torture to undergo, but time flies very quickly if you don't watch it every moment.

Some things change, but others don't. Some people always feel the need to be the center of attention and one particular person is of extreme note in this matter within the Cosplay community. The best he can do is petty things since that's all his mind can do. Annoying, yes, but major hindrance? I doubt that people would bother to take him seriously. But enough of that. Jumbled waste of words.

I'll have something more note-worthy to post as I make a slow return to my blog.

To those of you who've been very supportive of us (Cosplayers in general and as people), thank you.

----- Mao (Nostalgic Bliss)

The Calm Before the Storm...

2006-09-04T00:31:00.000+08:00

So I've been quiet the past few weeks. Things have been eating my time. School, work and a few other things...

Aside from that, I'm doing a bit of research regarding our favorite topic. I'm sure most of you know who that is. I'll be back soon, and when I come back, I'll be back with a vengeance.

Til then... watch the sky...

Boobman Apologizes! (Or Does He?)

2006-08-27T23:51:00.000+08:00

Just when you thought it was all over, you find out that it's just beginning. Mike "Boobman" Abundo *adds sarcasm* "APOLOGIZES". Here's the exact contents of his "apology".

*EDIT: I finally got a copy of the "apology". Click the thumbnail to view the full picture.*

As much as I'd love to insult Mike, nothing sums up what I want to say better than Jiru's own post from her LJ:

That's an apology? To paraphrase: "I'm sorry I did something that other people misinterpreted as wrong. I've never been wrong. I've just been misinterpreted."

I happen to agree. That's not an apology, thats an apology with conditions. Also known as an EXCUSE.

Frankly Mike, what you did, simply put, was WRONG. You can't even admit that much. Nobody needs to interpret it differently. As for identifying a "concrete mistake", your actions speak for all of us already. Posting a minor's picture on an adult-oriented magazine/forum, yeesh.

This so-called "apology" is not even enough in my opinion. And what you "plan to do" is too little too late. A tarnished reputation almost never goes away, I know this one for a fact. I feel sorry for the girl in question but I also congratulate her for taking action and filing a lawsuit. Hopefully, this will serve as an example for others like him.

Oh yeah, look at the Boobman Bingo Card. Hilarious as hell. Nice work Jiru~

----- Mao (I STILL haven't asked permission from Jiru... I'm sorry)

Hell Hath Broken Free...

2006-08-26T13:38:00.000+08:00

In order to understand this next post of mine, you have to understand the source of my aggression. The details and most of the info can be found HERE.
(Update@9:15pm: there's a new update to whats happening now, read the 2nd page of this particular link)
*New Update: Toyodude has removed the thread. Sorry guys. I'll ask him what happened to it. For the meantime, read on!*
**Another Update: The thread is back temporarily. Read the whole first post until the 3rd edit*

The thread that made the headlines for the most of the evening yesterday was located at Pinoy Cosplay (I refuse to link the site as it's not even worth visiting anymore). Fortunately, a friend of mine screen captured the ENTIRE thread (thank you very much). As soon as she gives me the link to where she uploads it, you can be sure you'll find it here.

If you read the contents of the first link, you should have a VERY good idea of why I'm feeling vexed. If you didn't read it, here's the skinny:

1) Pedophilia

Mike "Boobman" Abundo posted a female Cosplayers' picture on the FHM forums. I'll stress right here that the girl in the picture is SEVENTEEN (17). For those of you who are unfamiliar with FHM, you might want to check here. (If you are under the age of 18, kindly avoind entering the site proper. The cover page will give you enough ideas.)

2) Intellectual Property Theft

(the following is taken and paraphrased from the first link.)
His forums (Pinoy Cosplay), used a name for an existing Yahoo Groups mailing list called PINOYCOSPLAY which was made back in 2000, when cosplaying first started. He made his sorry excuse for a forums during the last quarter of 2005. Most of the details are in the link so PLEASE, READ IT.

3) Being a Jackass

"I might be talking to what cosplayers are there in Timbuktu". I might stress that during the thread in Pinoy Cosplay (now deleted), this statement appeared in Mike's "incredibly witty one-liners". This is his reply to the question "Why did you post a cosplayer's picture in an FHM Forum?". I might also point out that it's not a matter of mistaken age-identity. Mike knew for a fact that the girl in question is, by Philippine Law, A MINOR.

To be honest, I don't know the girl (I'll have to ask her permission before I use her name). I've seen Mike around during events but never really got to know the guy. So why am I mad?

Simple. To see a hobby that took years to flourish be ruined by a guy thinking with his "penis for brains" can be very stressing.

In every single post he made where he "tries" to defend himself, he comes off as one of 3 things. The "Victim", the "Fan" and the "arrogant bastard with nothing but porn on his mind". How did I come to these conclusions?

"My enemies twist my words and turn them against me". Here we see a classic case for failure to accept that he's been blocked at every turn by several extremely angry people (myself included). He plays the card very well at that and "might" have garnered sympathy, if he actually apologized to the girl, which he didn't. Aside from which, he had nothing to do with the removal of the picture and thread from the FHM forums. It was the timely intervention of RG and the girl's cousin that prompted FHM admins to remove it. First point: we never had to twist anything. The mere fact that he posted a picture of an underaged girl in a forum hosted and owned by a magazine that caters to an ADULT market, is already enough cause for a criminal case. Another point, you keep saying that it's "to praise Filipina cosplayers", SINCE WHEN HAS FHM BEEN THE PINNACLE OF PRAISE IN COSPLAYING? To place yet another nail on the coffin, this is a direct quote with only the name of the girl removed. "I respectfully praised (girl) as a popular cosplayer in a forum that explicitly does not allow obscene content". True, the forum does not allow obscene content but since when has FHM been for an audience with something else on their minds? You're also guilty of saying "Not a single word in that sentence is remotely technical". Try reading through it again, you might be very surprised what you'd see. You never considered the girl's feelings on this matter as well. If that's respect, I'd hate to see what you'd call as a "lack of respect".

The thing that drove a majority of the people in that thread to post 44 pages worth of replies is simply this: YOU FAILED TO ANSWER ONE SINGLE QUESTION THAT IS AT THE TOP OF EVERYONES MIND, that being "WHY IN FHM FORUMS?". Another thing, if there was nothing obscene in what you did, why did FHM admins even respond to two requests? Yet those two request prompted immediate action from FHM forum admins, which lead to the removal of that thread as well as the picture?

To give you a better idea of what happened in that thread, I've selected a few choice screen captures and copied directly the contents of the text boxes. The green blocks are to protect the names of the 2 people mentioned therein. In the case that the text in the image will be in Tagalog, I'll translate it to the best of my abilities into English for my non-Filipino readers.

This first one is a response to the question: WHY DID YOU POST 's PICTURE IN THE FHM FORUMS? (of all the places).

Obviously, he doesn't answer the question.

Crescens is the name of my account in that particular forum and here's his response to my post (along with a small portion of my original post).

What do you think? A good answer? WRONG! Click on the links and you get:

(this one was confirmed by a member named "anonymous", the post is originally his as well)

Unfortunately, I currently have only the later pages of the thread. So this particular quote might not make sense yet, but keep reading:

By this point, RG (a professional photographer who has a long standing friendship with many cosplayers) started getting mad. And here's Mike's response to the questions that RG (along with more than 10 others) was asking.

Here's my first post that needs a translation (posted by sinag_araw):

Translation: Exactly what I have said in my first post. If you read it.

Know you target audience.

Why not in a forum related to uh... cosplay? or to anime?
why in a forum where people who read FHM hang out?

To summarize the whole thread in one post, Gothloli06 said:

Which admittedly is the WHOLE PURPOSE of the events of that thread. So did Mike apologize?

*To clarify, my post was pointing out that he was avoiding answering the questions that were directed to him*

(apology? what apology? you have to kowtow and kiss my ass)

But the fun doesn't end there!

Translation of the quoted portion: WHY DID YOU PUT HER PICTURE IN THE FHM FORUM?

ANSWER THIS QUESTION.....

Ever notice that he's been using the exact same answer since the previous posts? No? You'll see a few more before I'm done.

To bring a little bit of clarity, here's my original post to this thread. It started my entry into the heated argument that would ensue.

Think he'd reply to those with long posts? Nope. One-liner yet again, and still no apology in sight.

Translation of quoted portion: why in a forum where people who read FHM hang out?

Enemies? Follow him? Now why would anyone want to waste time doing that? Apparently, that's because he does it, as commented by Uesugi_rin, in what is her best post in this particular thread. Lots of truth in this one.

Combo that with Gothloli06:

By now you'd think he's ready to give up, apologize and disappear into the depths of hell. Think again. This guy can probably take over hell all by his lonesome.

Again I draw your attention to the SAME LINES that he's been using since the start of this thread, my post was:

*add sarcasm* Another incredible one-liner! *gasps*

I agree with Uesugi_rin ih her follow-up post...

In the end, after several hours of non-stop senseless attempts to instill communication skills into Mike, his partner-in-crime polence appears to save his ass.

And so ends the battle for the majority of us. Yet nothing sums up better the words that a lot of us wants to say that these parting words from ~Catherine(2)~ (sorry if I got the name wrong, kindly correct me ^^):

Translation: As a feminist, this is what I can say...

This is a violation of our rights.

As a Cosplayer, this is my opinion...

Are you trying to aggravate people*? You're making Cosplay as your excuse. You whore.

What I've been hearing about you from other people was right. You're a big jackass.
I don't care if you ban me. The way you run things is bullshit.

Disgusting. Burn in hell. I'm not close with the girl but that was obscene. FHM? UNDER AGE? FUCK YOU! Lots of people are killing you behind your back and STILL you add more reasons for them to detest you.

YOUR A WORTHLESS MAN. I HOPE YOU GET PROSTATE CANCER.

You whore.

*author's note: tarantado means bastard if taken directly, but assuming that it's the Spanish derivation, aggravation is a better term. Thanks to Ligaya for pointing this out to me.*

----- Mao (and I thought I was disliked)

P.S. A forum where the admin himself would do something like this? Definately not worth being a member.

P.P.S. Timbuktu. A comment from Jenny Sy: "Cosplayers in Timbuktu? If I want to talk to Cosplayers in some obscure country, I'd find some cosplay related community in that place! Oh and by the way, who's to say those people in Timbuktu have easy net access?"

Double Bubble, Toil and Trouble

2006-08-18T22:59:00.000+08:00

Another week has gone by. Yet I'm still confused about several things going on in my life. It's unusual for me to be worried about things like this, what with all the crap that I've gone through, but still... there's always the possibility... right?

I'm still waiting for an answer. A promise to wait, a promise to be kept.

Until when? I haven't the faintest idea. For what? I can't say, not yet. Not until I'm sure of it.

Why do I speak in riddles and vague wordings? Maybe one day when I think the world is truly ready, I'll share it. But for now, allow me to retreat into my own little world once again.

If you need me, I'll be here. I promise.

To my contant readers/followers, sorry again for the OT post. I just wanted to vent some of what's affecting the insanity that is my brain.

----- Mao (Vague and Uncertain)

Reminisce

2006-08-13T13:19:00.000+08:00

Cosplay. A term given to people who dress up in costumes to potray their choice of anime characters. Supposedly, it started with the Star Trek conventions in the US during the early 70s, when Trekkiesdressed up as their favorite character. In the years to come, cosplaying would evolve into one of the most popular hobbies around the world, not limited to only TV shows, but also to pop culture. These being anime, pop/rock groups and the like. In the Philippines, cosplaying went to a new level in the past 6 years since it started.

It's been five (5) years since I started cosplaying. Five years since the start of the madness that now sweeps up the youth of the Philippines. I was there when the first Filipino cosplayed a Mecha, when Saito Hadjime stood tall amongst over 200 contestants in triumph, when the Filipino won over the other countries in Hong Kong to capture the title of Best AXN Cosplayer.

Now, 5 years later, I find myself wondering, where have those people gone? The people I've met, the friends I've made, the extended families bonded?

Just yesterday (Saturday), one of my friends from 5 years past invited me over to her house. She's celebrating her 20th birthday with a pool party and a lot of cosplayers. And upon my arrival, my reaction was "OMG, all of these people are younger than me". The sad truth, at 23, I was the oldest person at that party, and the only 2nd generation cosplayer in attendance.

The time when costumes were rag-tag and sometimes rushed are past. The torch has now been passed over to these new generations of cosplayers. These kids have seamstresses to make their costumes, and in some cases, they themselves make these costumes with the aid of their organizations at school.

Cosplaying. Supposedly a once-in-a-year event is now publicized by most of the anime channels and groups. I suppose that's why we were called "pioneers" during those early days.

And after 2 and a half years of self imposed retirement, looks like it's about time to make a comeback. For cosplay information in the Philippines, visit Cosplay.ph.

----- Mao (the Retired Senior Citizen)

Evolution? or REvolution?

2006-08-05T00:04:00.000+08:00

Today was a good day. Not just in terms of my mood upon waking, but what I've come to realize about certain aspects of this country that I live in.

Admittedly, I tend to "over generalize" the populace. A few people have had to correct me for my staunch views on the matter. But as it turns out, my opinion is shared by several other people a generation or more above my generation. I belong, of course, to the so-called "Generation Y", and as such, I'm referring to the "Baby Boomers" and "Generation X".

These insights occurred in a seminar I attended today. Entitled "Marketing Rocks", it's a showcase of prominent marketers in the Philippines. PLDT, Nokia Philippines, MTV Philippines, Araneta Group of Companies and Alaska are the biggest names that provided speakers for this seminar. Each one had different ideals and different opinions, but they all agreed to one thing, that in order to remain competitive on an Economic scale, the Philippines has to Evolve.

My favorite among the several speakers was the first that went on stage, Mr. Butch Jimenez of PLDT, the keynote speaker of the day. To sum up everything he said into one word, it came down to this: DISCIPLINE. The discipline to think you can do it, the discipline to push through with it, the discipline to WORK for it and the discipline to just do it.

There are two other things he said that stuck with me. These two things are what this country and it's citizens need to do in order to progress into the future.

The first is that there should be an attitude of KAIZEN. Kaizen is a Japanese term that means "always change". Let's say you're walking down the street and you come across an old Filipino friend of yours whom you haven't seen or communicated with for about 5 years. One of the first questions you'd probably ask is "musta ka na?" ("how are you?"). In most cases, he'll reply with "ganun pa rin" ("still the same"). You do that in Japan and they'll start looking at you funny. Think about it, 5 years and NOTHING has changed? People need to constantly keep up with the times, move forward and evolve, after all, the only thing constant in this world is change.

The next point somewhat strikes closer to home. Filipinos should learn to BE ON TIME. Take any 1st World Country, in their train stations, every minute counts. With their trains, you can be sure that unless there's an accident or some technical problem, the time posted on the arrival board will be the exact time the train will arrive at the station. Here in the Philippines, if you're appointment is at 1 P.M. and you arrive 5 to 15 minutes late, YOU'RE STILL EARLY. Anywhere above 1 hour and you're considered late. Strange country, this Philippines isn't it? Almost everyone knows that time is money, but how come they still follow the "traditional Filipino time" with is about 30 minutes to an hour out of sync with the rest of the world? Since this is buried so deeply into the Filipino Culture, there must be a REVOLUTION in order to replace bad values with good ones.

Well, this should be enough for today's post. Check in tomorrow, I'll add another few paragraphs in my next post. Though admittedly, it'll mostly be a continuation of the seminar.

----- Mao (the Rampant Ranter)

Untitled

2006-07-30T08:29:00.000+08:00

*EDIT*
I've just decided this post isn't worth it and have removed this from the blog. I'll begin working on the next installment by next week. Tune in again patients!

----- Mao (the Road to Recovery)

Resolution! I think....

2006-07-23T16:30:00.000+08:00

Greetings Humans.

It's been over a month since my last post. And things are still... well, shakey. I've found a few stress relievers recently such as TechWarrior (side note, if you're not directed to a site that says I've recruited you, kindly input Crescens Misumaru as the recruiter, thank you) and a few other games on the PS2. On an additional side note, WellnessMaster has left alink on my previous comments page, I've read through most of what the site has and it's pretty good. Perfect for all you people out there suffering from stress and anxiety.

For most part, my relationship with my GF is still in a rocky phase, I've decided to give her another chance (I'm way too forgiving my friends tell me). So hope for the best.

For most part, there's not much to write today. I just came back to assure you that this blog is not closing anytime soon. I just need a bit more time before my next "serious" post. Give or take, expect that post on August 1, 2006.

Till then my patients and friends, keep in touch!

(btw check the Tag Board, the RAN there is my GF).

Return of Hell! Resolution to Follow...

2006-06-18T23:12:00.000+08:00

If you're curious to the reason for the title, well, you just have to read EVERYTHING in this post, word-per-word, sentence by sentence, don't skip any part or you might miss something. This post will also include one of my poems (which I wrote today to let off everything I'm going through right now).

First of all, its June 18, 2006. That means one thing to me. It's my girlfriend's birthday today. So I suppose your thinking "wow, he should be in a good mood". Well, sad to say, I'm not. No we didn't break up, but we're reached the point where it's possible. Aside from which, there's a cosplay event today in which she competed in and she also has a performance after the cosplay.

In a nutshell? I'm spending her birthday WITHOUT her.

*this section has been edited*

I'm saying all of this so that you'd have an idea of what I'm feeling right now. I don't know if I'll have my girlfriend read this post. It'll probably depend on how things turn out after we talk later when she arrives back at her dorm. But chances are, I'll ask her no matter what the outcome.

From my point of view, no I'm not bashing my girlfriend. In all honesty, even though she treats me like shit sometimes, I still love her. You say I'm crazy? Well... that's how things are with me. I'm loyal to a fault.

But enough of the mushy stuff. This blog is all about Psychosis. And I've learned that one excellent way to release stress is to write poetry. This is one I just made 10 minutes ago in Notepad and copied to here.

I give you my best,
but that's not enough for you.
You ask me to do these things,
I make them all come true.

Yet one thing bothers me,
it's how you treat me.
I can't hug or kiss you,
where your "friends" can see.

We've been together
longer than you and them.
I have to crawl for attention,
they just go *ahem*.

You notice them,
but never notice me.
Tell me why, oh why,
that this must be?

You say you love me,
you say you care.
If thats true then why all that?
Isn't that just a tad unfair?

It might suck yeah, but it speaks EVERYTHING thats on my mind. And I've learned a long time ago. Suppressing any emotion is BAD. There will come a time when you can't control it anymore and it all EXPLODES out, tearing through everything in it's path. I advise a creative form of release, like writing literature to relieve all the tension.

To anyone and everyone who read this, thank you. Leave your comments in either the tag board or on my comments tag below. Anything is fine.

*OT: I deliberately removed all names in this post to protect the people involved. They might not be worth protecting but I believe it's their right to privacy.*

----- Mao (the Forsaken)

Which Would You Prefer? Blood? Or Flesh?

2006-06-10T18:22:00.000+08:00

If you're curious to the title, simply click here to find out why.

Welcome to the game called "Monster World". A rather simple but free and "somewhat" enjoyable game.

But before that, I'd like to beg forgiveness for my long absence. I recently bought a PS2 and am currently enjoying the first games that came out (like FFX, FFX-2, Suikoden 4, etc).

Monster World is a slightly morbid game, but tends to lean towards a "Gothic" state. What with Vampires and Werewolves killing each other for "blood and flesh".

This game appeals very much to the gothic types as well as to those who are incredibly bored (such as myself). I'm online almost 75% of the time, yet there's not much to do now, is there?

So click away. I'm just adding this post as a temporary filler and an explaination to my long disappearance.

Incidentally, if you DID click on my link, I've just bitten you and you're now a vampire. Congratulations!

And in other news, for FREE PORN, click here.

It's Madness I Tell You! MADNESS!

2006-05-22T10:34:00.000+08:00

Well, it's been a while.

Due to my schedule in summer classes and several other things that eat up my time, I found it hard to set a date when to update. So here I am, in the school computer lab, working on the next installment of my blog.

Every heard of Gaia Online?

Personally, I find the gameplay a bit... well... non-exsistent. One good thing it does have however, are the avatars. Avatars such as these

are what makes this "game" interesting.

There is a way to design your own avatars without making a Gaia account though. Tektek.org has an avatar creator or "dream creator" as they call it. Though a bit of advanced warning, the website is incredibly slow to load and sometimes it's offline. Bandwidth problems or just plain congested, I have no idea. You'll have to ask them personally.

Avatars are a means of expression. Symbols of what the author might be feeling at this particular point in time, how he "imagines" himself to be, or for people like me, expressions of the many personalities that exsist within the human psyche.

A side note, since I have no drawing/artistic talent whatsoever in the field of artwork, I use the avatars to give image to my characters in fanfics and whatnots.

Creativity is a way to release tensions. Let your creative minds flow and produce works of art.

----- Mao (the Unartistic Craftsman)

It's Only Words... Right?

2006-05-13T14:53:00.000+08:00

First of all, I'd like to point out that there are some new changes on my blog. I moved over to SiteMeter for my visitor tracker. The old one was unreliable (self views counted, wtf is that?). Secondly, I've added a "Tag Board" because of the insistent pressuring of Ran. So go ahead and speak out if you want. The comments section is still there, feel free to post whatever in the comments. ^_^

So now onto today's post!

When we say things, we give meaning to the words that pop out of our mouths. These meanings can be interpreted differently by different people by means of how we say it, when we say it and why we say it.

Let's take for example, the word "cute" (I mentioned in a previous post that I find it offensive). For you, and most other people around you, cute and refer to anything. Like say... "Oh! What at cute puppy!" or with a semi-sarcastic tone "that's.... cute". In these two instances, does the word "cute" refer to the same thing? Well, in a sense, perhaps it does. According to Answers.com (which in my opinion is one of the better online dictionaries to date), it means "Obviously contrived to charm". It has several other meanings but this one is the closest.

Cute refers to something that's "unwanted but because of circumstance, must be accepted". For me anyway. Why? Imagine your girlfriend or a girl you're courting showing up to a date with the most ridiculous hairstyle you could possibly imagine and she asks how it looks. In most other countries, the response falls under "it's nice", but here in the Philippines, the answer we give is "cute".

A further example is that some people like chihuahuas. You know, those small toy dogs that bark with a shrill pitch? As much as people like them, I dislike them (hate is too strong a word). They look like overgrown rats. Yet as someone close to me likes them a lot, the best I can say about them is that they're "cute".

Another thing about words.

Following the same principles as mathematics, combinations of words can be given meanings by making them negative and positive. And following the same principles, use of a double negative will result in a positive (ergo. I didn't go to no bar. This means you didn't go to no bar, but you went to A bar).

Of course, negative-positive and vice versa mean a negative. Such as "I don't want to go to a movie" and "I want to go to a movie, NOT". Both imply the same meaning. But in all cases, two positives will NEVER lead to a negative.

Yeah Right. (try saying it with a very sarcastic tone).

----- Mao (the Language Murderer)

The CAT-alyst for Cure

2006-05-05T15:12:00.000+08:00

*Author's note: Please wait for all pictures to finish loading before continuing on.*

Many psychological institutions insist that patient care for a pet. Normally, they recommend dogs as these are the easiest to train, very loyal and of course, obedient. They say dogs are a man's "best friend". I happen to agree. But for me, cats are a better choice of pet.

Cats and dogs. An age old "rivalry" if you will. Why cats? Well...

First of all, they're simply adorable. Cute if you want (I find cute a bit offensive, I'll explain in a future post), and inquisitive.

Secondly, they're very caring.

Cats also have the ability to make you laugh with their appearance and style.

On occasion, they relieve stress by chasing something for your amusement.

Be warned however, your cat will take the same attitude that you have if not cared for properly.

But most important of all, they're constant reminders of how to deal with problems. Always land on your feet and keep rolling along the cycle of life.

Today's post is a rather short one. I just had a few things that I wanted to share which is why this post is not up to my usual standard.

Before I end, I'd like to thank Glitter-Graphics for most of the cat photos you see here today.

Oh and please leave your firearms in locations that your cat can't reach. You might just regret it.

-----Mao (the CATastrophic CATalyst)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

2006-04-30T13:12:00.000+08:00

In a few days time (May 4 to be exact), a good friend of mine will be growing one year older. As this is a personal blog, I'd like to greet her a happy birthday. As this is also a psychological blog, I'll have to attach certain additional details.

So first and foremost, I'd like to tell her "happy birthday" and "keep in touch more often". I'm not going to post her name here, she might kill me if I do. She knows who she is as I've asked her to view this blog on a certain day.

Secondly, I'd like to talk about what birthdays really mean, and its relationship to our mental well-being.

Almost everyone enjoys their birthday. It's one of two days that we are assured of receiving presents (the other being Christmas). It's a day we're given pocket money by our parents to treat out our closest of friends, hang out and spend the morning and afternoon with them. When early evening falls, we head for home (or in some cases, a restaurant) to spend a nice evening meal with the people we deem special. And on this special day, there's only one drawback.

We grow older.

Kids and adolescents want this to happen, adults try to avoid it from happening, yet no matter what people do about it, it'll still happen.

Younger people (around the age of 10-18) all want to grow older. It gives them a feeling of freedom that they think they've always wanted. To be able to drive a car, go to the mall unaccompanied by parents, watch R-18 movies and even enter into relationships. They're all in a rush to grow up.

Young adults (roughly 19-25ish) want to slow down the aging process. It gives them a feeling of insecurity, of feeling that they've accomplished so little when they're a quarter of a century old. They fear the point in where their own parents will no longer support them and they must find a way to fend for themselves. A scary thought if one is unprepared.

Adults on the other hand (26 and up) want nothing more to do with the aging process. Some people stop their age and keep saying they're 30 when they've been 30 for over 10 years. Some, like my sister, prefer to add a "-teen" to try and make themselves teenagers again (twenteen, twenteen-seven, etc).

And of course, Seniors (50 and up) worry not about themselves but about their children and grandchildren. Will they still be around to offer advice to whom the family traditions fall? Will they even see their first grandchild?

All of these age groups have one thing in common. The anticipation of growing up. Kids want to become adults, adults want to stay the way they are, seniors want to become kids again. Strange world we live in don't you think?

Yet growing up should not be feared, anticipated, worried about or have any other emotional attachment you could come up with. It must simply be accepted. Goals set with a certain age as the finish line should be made and accomplished. Childhood gone is gone forever. Worrying too much can and will shorten life span.

Age is just a number. It should never stop you from having fun and enjoying life. Accept it, live with it and you'll see that you've accomplished something by the time of your deathbed.

----- Mao (the Senior Psychonaut)

P.S. Sorry if it became a bit morbid towards the end.

Perfect... Just... Perfect.

2006-04-27T16:35:00.000+08:00

*Writer's Note: Please wait for the image to load before continuing on to the text beneath the picture.*

Recognize this logo?

No? How about this one?

If you've figured it out, good for you! It just proves that you're one of the following:

an addict in this particular game
you can read an oriental language

If you still haven't gotten it, in english, it simply means:

which translates to "the perfect hit". Incidentally, if you have no idea whatsoever to what I'm talking about, visit here.

So of all the things holy and unholy, why am I all of a sudden writing about an online casual golf game?

First of all, some doctors and psychiatrists recommend golf as a way to release stress. In real world golf, all your energy goes into one swing of the club and the satisfying sound of a "twack", signifying you've managed to hit the ball with the club. Another is that most doctors play golf.

However, that's the exact opposite of the NtreevSoft casual golf game. Pangya, though it allows for sprite mobility, skill training and stat distribution, is guaranteed to drive a serious player to insanity within 1-2 hours of non-stop playing.

Take for example the swing/control bar. A single 1/100th of a second too slow and you'd miss that little white knob which would've given you the "perfect hit" or pangya. Another is the incredible amount of mathematical calculative skill it requires for you to successfully make a long putt, that is, to drop the ball into the hole.

Casual players or those who don't really bother to maintain accounts simply click and hope for the best. This style of play requires incredible amounts of luck and is not recommended as you'll be swearing for hours on end after missing the hole by 0.1 yard (0.1 yard? looks more like 5 centimeters if you ask me...).

So what's the relation of all this?

I happen to agree with medical experts that golf is a great way to relieve stress, and thus, Pangya relieves stress. So long as you don't take it 100% seriously, you'll be feeling relaxed and most importantly, you'll be enjoying yourself which is the first step in the long road to recovery.

Furthermore, aside from the entertainment it provides, it also has it's funny side. What funny side? Well, as I was going through some old files here in my computer, searching for a topic to write about, I came upon a link to an old website from where I found a link to another website. This is what I ended up with.

It's not very pretty. But it gave me a few laughs. From left to right, Nuri, Max, Cecilia and Arthur. Who would've guessed the 3 guys (Nuri, Max and Arthur) also had such an incredible feminine side? How can I say that? Allow me to include what they REALLY look like.

First I give you Nuri.
Admittedly, he looks feminine enough.

But Arthur and Max?

The beauty of the internet. EVERYTHING can be made to seem what it really isn't.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
A lifetime of addiction begins with a single stroke.

----- Mao (Pangya'd Pangster)

*Update: It has come to my attention that the character in the middle is NOT Max, rather, it's Arthur again. Sorry for the mix up.*

To Hell and back again

2006-04-25T14:57:00.000+08:00

I chanced upon an old friend in Yahoo! Messenger earlier yesterday and she told me to look at her live journal. Reading through it, I came upon a link to a website where you can find out which level of hell you'd belong. Having taken this test a few years back, I decided that now would be a good chance to try again.

The results came back:

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Low
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Moderate

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

So I land in the 5th level of hell, though in the past, I settled for the 4th. Take it yourself and see where you end up. I'm still wondering how they ended up with 5th when both my 2nd and 8th level are also rated "very high".

So why is this here?

In each and every person, there is a balance. Yin and Yang if you will. A balance between good and evil. Being truly honest with one's self can lead to understanding and release from the different torments and hazards we perceive to be in existence. You can't blame yourself for an accident that was never your fault, even if you think you were an accessory to how the accident happened.

It would've been very easy to select those that would land me a "very high" in Purgatory and the 1st level of hell, but I chose to be completely honest with myself.

Assuming each rating as a score, Very High would be -2, High is -1, Moderate will rate a 0, Low will be 1 and Very Low would be 2, ignoring Purgatory and the 1st level (since they aren't really "hellish" as given by their descriptions), my final score would be a -7. Showing that I'm pretty much "evil". You'd be hard pressed to say that after talking to me in a normal fashion. But that side of me is there, hidden somewhere within the depths of my own little subconscious world.

Blaming yourself for faults or accidents that aren't really your problems to begin with will drive you daffy. Talk to someone, preferably one who can keep secrets. It'll be your fault if the whole world finds out that you killed JFK or Ninoy Aquino if the person you confided to blabs about it. Choose who you trust wisely.

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

----- Mao (currently deranged and in the mood to write)

There's a DotA do today...

2006-04-23T21:37:00.000+08:00

To relieve myself of the boredom of everyday summer life, I asked a few buddies of mine to join me for a few games of DotA.

If you have no idea what DotA is, it's a fan-made game, branching off from Warcraft 3, Frozen Throne. More info here. Incidentally, DotA stands for Defense of the Ancients and is highly popular among LAN cafes in the Philippines (come to think of it, around the world).

So I spent close to 5 hours today with my best friend,
Mortred, the Phantom Assassin. She was the first character I ever used to play DotA and for no surprising reason, she's my best character.

So why am I posting this? You're probably thinking "this blog's supposed to be like... for mental analysis, right?". Well, in a sense, it's related. For me anyway.

Today is April 23, 2006. Its SUMMER time here. Most people (myself included) are trying to enjoy the precious two months before school (and hell) resumes. For most people, DotA (or any video game for that matter) is a way to enjoy themselves. Unfortunately, for those who want to enjoy these games with friends, it's more often than not necessary to leave the comforts of home to raid the closest net cafes and spend anywhere between 3-6 hours playing, without even realizing it.

People often forget that time is money. And in this case, since most of us aren't given any pocket money during the summertime, TIME is really MONEY. Every hour reduces what's left of your savings by another notch. Netcafes tend to boom during these seasons as well, seeing that not everyone can leave the country.

It's psychological. The moment you think that you're bored. You actually become bored and end up going out to burn whatever money you've managed to save.

I'm not bashing any game out there. I happen to play almost every game in the market. But a word of advice to those of you who haven't started playing DotA. My cat sez:

Trust me. Once you start, it's VERY hard to stop.

Til next time patients, toodles!

First Post EVER!

2006-04-22T22:04:00.000+08:00

Greetings from the land of the unknown.

Welcome to my blog. First attempt, first update, first everything so don't expect much.

I suppose you're wondering why this thing is called "Psychosis". Well, defining it, it means:

"A severe mental disorder, with or without organic damage, characterized by derangement of personality and loss of contact with reality and causing deterioration of normal social functioning."

As most of you know, I'm what you'd call "weird", hence, fits the "derangement of personality" portion.

Another that I've been known to live in my own little dimension, far from the lowly woes of Human Exsistence, hence fulfilling "loss of contact with reality".

Lastly, I hardly ever go out anymore. Busy with school, life, problems and everything in general drains what little time i have left for such pleasures, hence completing "deterioration of normal social functioning".

So there you have it, a simple yet complete explaination of why this blog will be henceforth called "Psychosis". Don't worry, my aim is to simply share my thoughts on everything and anything, not to drive you to the brink of insanity. Updates will be carried out in staggered intervals,dependent on when I feel the need to write.

On additional note, I listen to other people who want to share their problems. Though advice is only given upon request.

--------- Mao (the Psychotic Psychoanalyst)